My Family’s Money

image: Just Taken Pics’

Today was my first payday since my employer decided to switch from a semi-monthly pay schedule to a bi-weekly one. Being the type of person who wants to figure out new things to anticipate the effect of the change, I built a splediforific spreadsheet that I thought did a reasonable job projecting just how much each paycheck would net me and what the monthly average would be. I was so certain about it, I even used this number in projecting our 2008 expectations and goals. My spreadsheet told me, and it was so.

When I checked my bank account this morning I felt my “knees shake and my hip joints go slack” (a literal English translation of an Ancient Hebrew euphemism for crapping your pants!) – but not to that embarrassing point where I’d have a bus ride of shame home covered in stinky unpleasantness. That type of stuff can stay in the court of Babylonian kings. The source of my near incontinence? The check was for a full $100ish less than I was expecting. Devastating. Budget breaking. Nearly colon cleansing.

I immediately accessed my financial tracking spreadsheets and poured over the numbers. Where had I gone wrong? What was this development going to do to our financial goals? Would I have to get a second job? How could I have done something so stupid? I spent a good 30 minutes trying to figure it all out. I think what made it even worse was that I didn’t know why my spreadsheet had failed me so miserably. And then I saw it.

Seventy-two never looked so good. I’m not talking about those silver years where I’ll enjoy my grandchildren and the nearly limitless productivity potential that being financially independent and jobless will afford me. I’m talking about the number of hours I got paid for during this time period, a whole 8 shy of what I had included in all my calculations and what is going to be on all the rest of my paychecks. I had forgotten that I was informed of this weeks ago by my company and that my last paycheck had a nice bump in it to help us account for the change. I nearly soiled my loins for no good reason.

Lesson learned: pay attention to company communications, they are important once in a while.

Lesson learned: I never really make a mistake when using a spreadsheet. It may seem like I made a mistake, but in the end I will always be right.